Sunday, July 16, 2017

Making Things Not About Me


Poor DD1. She probably is tired of her mother calling her and talking every Monday on my commute home, but she tolerates me.I try to go hands free, but the sound is bad on speaker, so I turn up the sound to barely recognizable levels, but sometimes, I admit, I've picked up the phone to my ear. These calls will come to an end, probably you will all tell me I shouldn't have been doing it anyway, but on July 26th, no hand held phones in the car by driver. It's a good law-I've contributed to distracted driving so despite my convenience ending, I support this law.

DD1 also has tolerated my mom sounds. This is a beautiful girl with her stuff together, building a career and life for herself. Then every Monday, mom calls, and despite trying not to, I insert little unsolicited advice, suggests, and innuendos that are more about my personal wants, and not necessary what she wants or needs. I need to keep my phone calls not about me! In my rare, but long conversations with DS, I do the same. Maybe he is ready to move back to Minnesota. He can stay with us until he decides what to do. "I live in a place that is like being on vacation all the time, mom. Why would I move back." is the general response. While with DD2 it's a little different because she still is just a kid, as she starts exploring possible college and careers, I know I put ideas out that reflect what I see in her, and need to listen more to what she is pondering.

I've got my own goals, and need to let my kids have theirs. These are mine for the year as posted on January 2nd in Looking Forward to Looking Back.

1. Restore my home to a place of calm and pride
2. At least two music performances that my kid was not performing in.
3. Host no less than six (combination) of women and wine nights, coffee mornings, and get together lunches.
4. Twelve exploration days
5. Receive formal  recognition of my existence as a writer


Meddling in my kids lives is not there and I'm not doing so hot on the things that are. Sorry, kids. I can't help that I'll keep making mom noises, but I'll do better at not making it about me when I talk with you, and instead, listen to what you want to tell me. Then, I'll work harder at getting my own stuff together.

6 comments:

  1. It's so hard, isn't it?!?! I find that I am struggling with this too now that G1 is mapping out her Gap Year. I have been trying to keep my mouth shut unless my advice is requested but it is so difficult at times. Who knew parenting older children/young adults would be harder than the toddler years? =)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's tough when you want to be there to listen, but hard to know (at least for me) hen I've crossed lines. They don't hesitate to tell me, but then I feel bad that I was pushy.

      Delete
  2. We never stop being mama's. I try very hard to not interject personal opinions and fail regularly.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. When they're little, you think of all the possible ways they will grow up. It didn't matter then or now, as they have their own agenda's. (as did I in the day)

      Delete
  3. I don't seem able to keep my opinions to myself so I'm just very blunt with my grown kids. I tell them that I can't help sharing my opinions but that I know they don't have to do what I want!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have a hard time as well-I start out trying to just be a listener, and then the opinions and advice slips out. I guess I can't help being a mama as Anne said.

      Delete

Join the conversation. Your respectful comments are welcome. Spam and advertising products or services without permission will be deleted, as will anything deemed hurtful to others. A change, I moderate comments older than three days to be sure I read them all and stay ahead of the spam. If you're a blogger, feel free to include your blog URL.